Life is a journey, with every step we create our destiny.

With every decision we chart our course....   Jill Christine~

There is something about turning 40 shifts feelings, causes a person to question their lives, and think about things more deeply.
I have had a lot of ups and downs, a great deal of Joy, a season of sadness, a battle of depression, a struggle that has brought me to this place that I am in right now.  —Jill Christine

“If you want to know your past – look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future – look into your present actions.”
– Buddhist Saying

I am in Love with a man that has been my Rock, my strong arm, and my soul mate. I have a 21 year old step son, who has grown into a very dear young man. We have 3 dogs.  Harley, Hannah and Sugar. My
husband and I tried to have a child together. My husband had a reversal vasectomy, Yeah, he LOVES me guys!  But, after 3 different surgeries, fertility drugs, tears, emotional roller coaster ride, and arguments between hubby and I. I decided that I would lay my desire at the feet of my GOD. 

I struggled with so many emotions. I just couldn’t understand WHY I went thru all of this pain and NOTHING to show from it. I was bitter for many years. I wanted to be a Mommy so bad, I could taste it. I felt empty, I felt like I was nutured, and not female. I felt like a failure.  I felt abandoned by my creator. I felt so much, and all of those emotions threw me into a very deep depression, and I turned my back on what I thought was truth. I felt cheated, and I felt defeated. Life Sucked, and I told GOD, (I mean I screamed at him,) “LEAVE ME ALONE!”  

What I am about to say is something that I have come to Know, and Embrace.  It took many years of therapy, alot of blood, sweat and tears. I was able to Resolve my inner rift with GOD, and come to the revelation, *Having a child does not make me any more of a whole woman, I had to struggle with GOD to get to this place, where I have an inner peace and an inner contentment about who I am. Having a baby, and being a Mom does not define me.  

Being content is not an over night experience, as much as forgiving someone is not an immediate emotion. Being resolve to work hard at any thing  involves commitment endurance, and patience.  

Once you decide to go down that path, it will never be easy. At times, it seems like there is NO light at the end of the tunnel. BUT…. there is a glimmer, if not at times, there seems to be a ray of light in a very far distance.  So you may ask, how do you feel about not being able to have a child? Well, I am on the other side and here to tell you that GOD has used that suffering for the good. At this point, I have no regrets. I am Thankful for my life. My past has made me a better person. I am still growing as a person, there are things about myself that lure their ugly head. But…. I am still on a journey. I am content…. 

Thank GOD!

“The pessimist borrows trouble; the optimist lends encouragement.”

- William Arthur Ward

“Perseverance is more prevailing than violence and many things which cannot be overcome when they are together yield themselves up when taken little by little.”  - Plutarch

“There is one quality that one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it.”

- Napoleon Hill

Interesting Story~

Mrs. Thompson

Her name was Mrs. Thompson. As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie.

Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. But that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn’t play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs.Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s and then putting a big “F” at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s past records and she put Teddy’s off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners…he is a joy to be around.”

His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.”

His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn’t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”

Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.”

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy’s. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag.

Mrs.Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.” After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing, and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children.

Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her “teacher’s pets.”

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honours. He assured Mrs.Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he’d ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story doesn’t end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he’d met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson’s ear, “Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference”.

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, “Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn’t know how to teach until I met you.”

Warm someone’s heart today . . . pass this along. Please remember that wherever you go, and whatever you do, you will have the opportunity to touch and/or change a person’s outlook. Please try to do it in a positive way. Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.

~Ok, If your eyes are NOT a bit wet by now, something must be wrong!